Little Victories

    Well so I have been on this medicine for a few weeks now and it has helped me regain control.  I don’t feel like this hunger that I get is overwhelming anymore and I can keep a grip on my cravings and all.  I have lost 17 pounds and am starting to notice the difference in my clothes again.  I have missed seeing the scale go down, it was devastating to see it go up and up and up the last year.  I have come to realize that when I was in the losing phase it was almost addictive to see that number get lower and lower.  I am thrilled that I have started to lose again and I still have a good ways to go before I get back to where I want to be.  I am trying hard to re-find some balance in all of this.  To know that it is ok if I have a small treat here or there but that it don’t need to lead me back into eating junk every single day.  It don’t need to lead me back to a place of emotional eating when I am stressed out over the chaos that seems to surround my life at every turn these days.  I know that 2020 has been hard for everyone with this crazy pandemic that has swept the world.  But within my close friends and family I don’t know of one household that has not been hit with several additional major life altering stressors that have happened.  From death’s to sickness (besides COVID), to devastating emotional issues....it just goes on and on.

    I took the advise of the several doctors and all that I work with and started to see a counselor/therapist to talk through some things.  I guess you know it is pretty bad when you talk to the therapist about it all and her only response is to say, “Hearing all that makes me tired, I don’t know what advise I can give to you”.  What are you suppose to do with that when the professional doesn’t even know what to say about all the issues you have to work on and take care of?  I reckon I will do what I have always done and just keep hanging on and doing what I have to do to take care of my family.

    I know I put the title of Little Victories on this post and that last paragraph don’t seem too victorious.  So here they are, the fact that I am finding a way to lose this regained weight is one, that my clothes are fitting better is two, and a big one is the fact that I am able to cope with all this garbage that life has thrown my way and still somehow manage to keep moving forward.  

5 years

 Time seems to go so very fast.  It has already been a bit more than 5 years now since my surgery.  A lot, and boy do I mean a lot has happened in these 5 years.  Major changes within the family, marriage, cancer with my husband, the loss of a family member, various sicknesses, my mother becoming bed ridden, just so many things.  I feel like I have lived a lifetime in just a few short years.  But through it all even though there were a lot of changes and stressful situations there have been many, many good times as well.  Many times filled with love and laughter and peace and just goodness.  

As far as my surgery and weight loss goes I went for my 5 year check up in the end of September.  My weight was still up a bit and when I expressed my concern the surgeons office suggested a few things.  First she wanted me to go to my PCP and get my thyroid checked out to make sure there was no issue there.  Secondly she wanted me to talk to the medical weight loss side.  Third of all she suggested again that perhaps I see a therapist to help talk about all the things that have happened over the last few years.  I went to my PCP and the thyroid tests were ran and that was all normal which is a good thing.  So next I set up and went to the Medical weight loss doctor.  She was very kind and gave me hope.  See, over the last several months I have been exercising and doing what I can to control my eating but I have had this at times overwhelming hunger hit me that almost feels like more than I can control and it has been hard.  She asked me about that and she reassured me that basically it is not my fault.  There has been lots more research going on and they are learning more and more that genetics plays a large roll in weight control issues.  Due to my family history of major obesity she said that my genetics play a large part of that almost uncontrollable urge to eat and that my body is starting to fight because it remembers being heavy my whole life and so it is trying to fight against the weight loss.  She gave me a medicine to try that helps to get that hunger under control and calm the cravings.  I have only been on it a week but I have lost 5 pounds so far.  I am so hopeful that this is going to help me get these few pounds back off and get back to my goal weight.  I have also made an appointment with the therapist that works with the weight loss program and so I know that piece of the puzzle is going to only help me that much more to get the emotional side of things worked out.  I am thankful and hopeful tonight.

People often ask that if after these 5 years if I still am glad I did the surgery and I can say without any doubt that it is still the best thing I have ever done for myself.

Waiting for the woosh.....

So as mentioned last time I have had a little regain. I am not happy about it at all.  This week I have been working really hard and have cut a ton of carbs and sugar and been riding my bike a lot.  My husband has been working to drop a few pounds too.  This week while I have worked hard I have lost 2 pounds while he has lost like 10 (don’t get me wrong, he has worked too) but still!!! In the weight loss forums they always talk about how with many people they will work on losing and have little to no weight loss then it hits in a sudden woosh and drop several pounds in a week.   So here I sit mad with myself for not loosing more and waiting and hoping and praying for the woosh to come. 😒

Reality check

I realized today that it has been over two years since I have done a post. The last post I made was after I got my mom moved in with me and I had just become her caregiver.  It seems like a lifetime ago.  In the last two years I have gotten married to a wonderful man and my grown daughter moved in with my mom to help take care of her. We have lived a lot of life in the time we have been married. We have gone through him having cancer, thank GOD it was resolved with surgery and he is good and healthy now.  We have gone through the loss of family members, and many other things.  Through all we have gone through I have fallen back into a roll of putting myself last and not making my weight loss as much of a priority as it needs to be.  During the several stays at the hospital I lived on crackers and brownies.  Through the loss of a family member I found myself turning to food. I have gained weight.  More than I want to admit.  I have been fooling myself into thinking it wasn’t that bad but it is.  It is a very slippery slope falling back into weight gain and binge eating and eating when faced with emotional issues.

I went back today and reread through all my previous posts.  The posts from when I started this weight loss path.  The posts where I was so excited to see the weight falling off.  Now I feel daily like a failure.  I haven’t regained all my weight or even close to all my weight but I have regained about 30 pounds at this point.  Today I realized just how glad I am that I created this blog years ago.  Rereading my post has helped me to see where my focus needs to be once again.  I need to not just take care of those I love but I need to still make me be a priority as well.  Today was a good first day. Despite making cookies for my daughter’s birthday celebration tomorrow I didn’t eat any today.  I had fairly low carbs and focused on protein.  I went for a bike ride and went further than I have ever gone before (15.5 miles). So for today I am proud of myself. I pray for the resolve to make better choices each day to get back to where I can feel proud of myself once again.