Yesterday morning I got up and did my normal routine of going to the bathroom, getting undressed, then getting on the scale. Low and behold it read 176 lbs! This means that I have lost 200 pounds from my all time heaviest weight of 376. That is so insane to me. I think back and often wonder how I let myself get to that point but I realize that it didn't happen overnight. It was sneaky and it would be a splurge here and some cookie dough there and little by little I would gain a pound this week and maybe 5 pounds the next month until I was heavier then most professional football players. I never felt like I was that big.
I talk about the whole body dysmorphia thing now where I don't see myself for the most part as someone who is about a size 12 now and I still look at myself and see what looks to me like rolls but in reality it is all the stretched out skin left over from the damage I have done to my body. But I can now say that looking back at the person I was at my heaviest weight, I had what I think of as the other end of the spectrum of the body dysmorphia. Even though I was wearing like a 30 - 32 in tops and a 28 or so in pants I didn't feel like I was that big so for many years I didn't see any problem in my weight. I didn't have any real health issues for many years and when I would have a hard time fitting into a theater seat I would just ignore the pain I felt. I am so thankful that as I have gotten older I have come to realize that I am worth the effort of losing the weight so that I don't have to feel that pain again. I am worth the effort of waking up every morning and stepping on that scale to keep myself accountable. I am worth being healthy not just for my kids but for me so that I can do the things in life that I desire to do.
