Reality check

I realized today that it has been over two years since I have done a post. The last post I made was after I got my mom moved in with me and I had just become her caregiver.  It seems like a lifetime ago.  In the last two years I have gotten married to a wonderful man and my grown daughter moved in with my mom to help take care of her. We have lived a lot of life in the time we have been married. We have gone through him having cancer, thank GOD it was resolved with surgery and he is good and healthy now.  We have gone through the loss of family members, and many other things.  Through all we have gone through I have fallen back into a roll of putting myself last and not making my weight loss as much of a priority as it needs to be.  During the several stays at the hospital I lived on crackers and brownies.  Through the loss of a family member I found myself turning to food. I have gained weight.  More than I want to admit.  I have been fooling myself into thinking it wasn’t that bad but it is.  It is a very slippery slope falling back into weight gain and binge eating and eating when faced with emotional issues.

I went back today and reread through all my previous posts.  The posts from when I started this weight loss path.  The posts where I was so excited to see the weight falling off.  Now I feel daily like a failure.  I haven’t regained all my weight or even close to all my weight but I have regained about 30 pounds at this point.  Today I realized just how glad I am that I created this blog years ago.  Rereading my post has helped me to see where my focus needs to be once again.  I need to not just take care of those I love but I need to still make me be a priority as well.  Today was a good first day. Despite making cookies for my daughter’s birthday celebration tomorrow I didn’t eat any today.  I had fairly low carbs and focused on protein.  I went for a bike ride and went further than I have ever gone before (15.5 miles). So for today I am proud of myself. I pray for the resolve to make better choices each day to get back to where I can feel proud of myself once again.