Mindset

I have been thinking a lot about mindset the last few weeks and how that comes into this crazy weight loss ride I am on. For many years I was so tired all the time and in physical pain from the excessive amount of extra weight I carried (I have lost 173 lbs from my heaviest weight).  During all those years of lugging that weight around I just got adjusted to the idea that if I had a lot of things to do on Saturday I'd be too wore out to even go to church on Sunday and in too much pain in my legs and back. I still have weight to lose before I'm done but now my energy level is so much more then it has been in many years and the pain is pretty much all gone as well. Right now I am facing a lot of things over the next month, 3 birthdays, a graduation, and a wedding. Everything but one of the birthdays is for my kids and I am the family cake maker for everything. I love doing all of this but in my mind I keep thinking I don't know how I'm gonna make it and physically do everything that needs to be done. After doing the wedding shower this last week which included all planning, making two large cakes, and decorating then clean up - my younger daughter said well I guess we won't be going to church tomorrow mom you'll be too tired. Sad thing is a year ago that would have been right but now it wasn't right. After the shower I still came home cleaned up a ton of stuff around the house and did a work out. Needless to say we did go to church the next day. I am physically just so different now. I try to keep myself in check and make a new mindset that matches my new lease on life because many of my "I cant's" are now "I can".

WLSFA 2016

This weekend was the Weight Loss Surgery of Americas annual conference and it was in Nashville. I had been looking at going but knew with preparing for my daughters wedding I would not have the extra money for the $150 pass to go. Well the guy that runs the online support group that I take part in ended up having an extra pass and I got to have it! I was so excited to get to attend. It was so great to be in a totally judgment free zone and be surrounded by so many people who have gone through the same things I have. There were some great informational sessions and I got to come home with a ton of free samples of protein bars and shakes and vitamins. As an added bonus I got to meet one of the ladies from 600 pound life. She was so sweet and has done such a great job with losing weight and changing her life. I feel so blessed that I was able to be a part of the conference and for the changes I've been able to make in my life.

Size 14!!!

This weekend was Mother's Day and I was given a gift card for Burks Outlet. They have this one particular brand of jeans there that I love and while I was looking around I saw that they had one pair left in a size 14. So I thought well I'll go ahead and buy them and put them up because I hope to wear them down the road sometime. Well who would have thought but I got them home and for the heck of it tried them on and they fit great!!! I could not believe it. It just amazes me all the time the changes in my size. I am so grateful. 

7 months

I wanted to post a few days ago but have not had the time to until now.  I reached 7 months out from surgery last week.  I have lost 110 pounds and about 5 pant sizes.  Physically I feel great, I have this new found energy that I don't remember ever having before, not even when I was a teenager.  I am close to reaching the infamous "onederland" that all obese people long to get to.  Another ten pounds and I will be there!  I have not been under 200 pounds since I was in middle school I believe.  It almost seems kind of unreal still that I have lost this much weight.  I still don't see myself as smaller even though I feel the effects of the weight loss and can see the evidence in the smaller size clothing.  I guess that is something that I will just have to deal with.

I read a quote the other day that said, "I didn't hate myself for being fat, I was fat because I hated myself".  For me while that quote did hit home to a certain extent, it got me thinking: why did I let myself get so far gone?  As I was reflecting on the choices I made over the years I do think that there was a time that I did hate myself and the contributed a lot to my weight and the I don't care attitude when it came to food.  After I was in an abusive relationship and I took my kids and left, I can remember thinking well I am on my own again with 3 kids I don't ever want a relationship again so what's the point in worrying about how I eat?  At that time I can remember days when I would take a huge family size can of cheese curls to bed with me and eat nearly the whole thing while watching TV before going to sleep because I just didn't care.  I do think that self hate was a bit of the problem then, I didn't feel like I was worthy of anything really.

Through this process so far I have come to realize that I am worth it.  I am worth the effort to take care of myself and be the healthy person I am meant to be.  I have also realized that health does not come with a particular number assigned to it.  Yes, I do have a goal weight in mind that I would like to reach but if I end up at a different weight when all is said and done its not going to be the end of the world because my ultimate goal has already been achieved.  My ultimate goal was to be healthy and I am, all my labs and blood work are now in perfect numbers, my blood pressure is no longer borderline high, and my cholesterol is back in the healthy range.