Friday, July 29, 2016

Staying The Course

So my family has gone through a personal crisis over the last few weeks.  I am not going to go into the private details but it is a situation that has put us all in a bad place mentally and emotionally.  I had never thought of myself before surgery as an emotional eater but as I am now working through a major potentially life altering event that impacts everyone in my family I realize just how easy it could be to be an emotional eater.  When this event occurred two weeks ago at first I couldn't even think to eat.  I was so upset I was just sick at my stomach all the time.  After a few days I forced myself to start to eat some because if I don't eat and drink water and stay healthy I will end up making more problems because I will just end up in the hospital dehydrated and that will not help my family in the least.  Then as a few days went by I started to want to eat junk.  I started to think how good that some of the chocolate homemade moose type filling would be that I use when I make cakes.  So I made some.  But here is the thing, even though I did make a bit I only made literally two table spoons worth and that is all I allowed myself to have.  I still counted it in my totals for the day in my food tracking.  And I have still lost a few pounds in the last few weeks.  It has been hard to find the motivation to do much of anything while dealing with this situation but I have to keep reminding myself that through it all God is in control first of all, we will survive no matter what life throws at us secondly, and last of all I am worth the continued effort to get to a healthy weight and be the best I can possibly be for my family.

Friday, July 15, 2016

What they don't tell you.....

When preparing for weight loss surgery I researched and reviewed everything possible.  I knew all of the potential risks and rewards that could come from having most of my stomach cut out of my body.  I heard about the potential for having loose skin after losing significant weight (and believe me there is plenty of that going on right now).  And these were all things that I was prepared for.  I have been exercising and using varying lotions to combat the skin issue so as to try to not look like a deflated balloon even though under any pretty clothes I am all saggy baggy skin but that's ok, the saggy empty skin is healthier then swelled up skin full of excess weight.

What I was not fully and totally prepared for was the mental battle that goes with the weight loss.  I had read about people with body image issues after surgery but I had the thought that it wasn't going to happen to me.  I am a realist and thought I always looked at things the way they really are.  I may have touched on this in a previous post but the mental side of getting my brain to catch up to the image in the mirror is a lot harder then I ever thought it would be.  Physically I feel a world of difference in energy and ability to do physical tasks.  But mentally when I look in the mirror all I still see is the rolls and heavy legs and I still see the same person I was when I was over 300 pounds.  My brain does not know how to see me as I am right now.  When I go shopping I am still buying things that are on average 2 sizes too big for me.  The only time I see the difference is when I look at side by side pictures of where I was to where I am now.  I guess this is just me taking a minute to be real about this journey with the good and some not great aspects of it all.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

9 Months

Yesterday was my 9 month check in with the surgeons office.  Normally when I go there everything is great and everyone is super nice.  Well I was feeling so great when I got there and all excited to have my progress officially documented in the chart to show that I am in the 100s and all.  So I get signed in and the tech takes me back to do my vitals and I had never seen this woman before but she was nice enough then we get to the room and she says, So are you pre-op or have you had surgery.   WHAT!!!! It just felt like a slap in the face to be asked that.  I am a decent bit under 200 pounds at this point and wearing a size 14.  Do people think that someone who is a 14 needs to have the surgery starting off at that size because I sure don't unless they have medical reason to.  A 14 is just around the average American woman's size these days.  Yes, I still have about 40ish pounds to reach my personal goal but I am less then 20 from the doctors goal.  It was just totally rude for her to ask that of any of the patients there.  I responded and said that I was there for my 9 month check and have lost about 130lbs already. 

The rest of the visit went really well though.  Both the nutritionist and the doctor were extremely happy with my progress.  They both said that I am still losing at the same rate as the bypass patients.  This makes me super happy because I was initially a bit worried about my rate of loss when I chose to get the sleeve done but I knew I didn't want the bypass even though it is associated with faster higher rates of loss typically. 

None the less despite the rude tech I am extremely happy with my numbers and progress.  I am at 187 pounds and from my all time heaviest weight I have lost a total of 189 which means I am literally half the woman I was a few years ago!!  This excites me a lot when I think about it to just really know how far I have come and how much improved I have made my life.  With many decisions in my life I end up second guessing them and going back and forth on if I made the right decision or not but having this done is truly the best decision I have ever made for myself.  The first week or so I had some major doubts but that is the norm because during that time the body is still de-toxing from all the sugars and carbs and all and almost everyone had a bit of buyers remorse in the first few weeks.  But once  I got past the healing stage and on to a new normal of life and eating I have been just so grateful everyday for this gift.  It is a lot of hard work, but so very worth it.  I exercise on average 6 days a week for 45 minutes to an hour at a time, I alternate days between the treadmill and doing a weight routine.  I use an app on my phone to track every bite that goes in my mouth and I weigh everything that I eat to know that I am getting the right portion.  It is work but worth the effort to live again.