A Letter To Me

So when I went for the first visit to the Dr the other day they suggested that I write a letter to myself so that in a year I can look back at this part of my life and really see who I was, where I was and why I wanted to do this.  So, here it goes.

Dear Me In A Year From Now;

As you read this there are a few things that I'd like you to remember.  These things might help you keep in mind why you embarked on such a journey.  At this moment I am considered to be morbidly obese and I am at such a risk for weight related illness down the road.  At this moment I am scared, scared for what my future will look like if I don't do this.  I am soon to be 37 years old and I don't want to end up with heart disease or high blood pressure or diabetes like so many in my family.  I have been asked the "what if's" about the things that could possible go wrong with having this surgery and my thought and response is to look at the "what if's" if I don't have this surgery.  Do I want to risk dying at 54 like daddy?  Do I want to risk being on disability at a young age and spending my life in my chair by the TV like mama because I can no longer barely walk?  No, I don't.  I am young enough to get out and enjoy my life and not be so tired that I have no desire to go out and do anything.  I will only be like 43 when all my kids are technically grown and I want to live.  I want to go to the amusement parks with no fear of being too fat for the rides or too worn down from carrying the weight to even be able to walk through the park.  I want to live the life that God intended for me to live.  Not live a life in fear.  I am sure that this journey will have good days and bad days just like anything in life will have but I am sure that the good will ultimately outweigh the bad.  I want to be the ultimate example to my kids that you don't have to give up on your dreams.  I want to be an example to others that even what seems to be impossible can be possible. But most of all I just want to have a full happy and healthy life with those I love and not be a prisoner in my own skin.